Hurricane Maria

Monday….talked with my friend Janet in Dominica. The wind was blowing.  A category 5 hurricane was speeding toward her island.

Tuesday morning, there is no communication.

My heart aches.  I feel like I did when Vic, my husband was dying…..alone  sad, empty and filled with grief.

Janet Taylor, my best  friend. At this time, there is no communication. The news states the island is destroyed.

I know there isn’t power anywhere on the island. Obviously no internet. The roads were primitive and now most likely completely impassible.  Dear God,  will you tell me how she is?

I know she is alone with her dog.  Although she has many friends on the island, no one is at home  with her.

Years ago, Middlesboro wasn’t kind to you.  You moved to Harrogate……and moved your practice there.  My parents followed you for care.  Your children came to my office and played…..Our business locations were less than 2 blocks apart.  Sometimes I came to you for care.

We each moved…..weird,  I moved to Knoxville. You moved 20 miles away  to Maynardville. Not knowing of the relocation,we met at a business function.  I wasn’t working. You asked me to work for you for a few months until you got your new office going.  I did.  I learned so much about supplements and care.

You hosted a Thanksgiving dinner and my new husband and I came.  The next year at Thanksgiving one of his lungs blew out. He would face death.  Death won.

We  made many memories.  I am  recalling times we met in different parts of the world.  From somewhere, we each traveled and met in Sevierville, Tennessee.  Another time, we met in Asheville,N.C.  I was ill with a deep cold.  You had me go in the steam room, get hot, then jump in the pool.  It broke the congestion.

I lived in Asheville for awhile and Janet visited twice.   The second time she came to catch her breath and regroup. Her husband appeared to be terminally ill. She stayed a few days.We ate a meal at the Laughing Seed Cafe and went shopping.  Janet bought a beautiful red dress and some kids bubbles to blow.  She went home.  She wore her new red dress and they celebrated.  Soon, he had to go to the heart unit at Vanderbilt.

One night I called her and asked if we could go to Vanderbilt to see him.  She was ready in a few minutes and I picked her up.  In Vanderbilt, that evening they put him on life support and we slept on the recliners in the ICU lounge.   Days later, he died.  Our husbands died too young, too soon.

Later, Janet moved from Tennessee to Dominica.  I felt sad when she left. She went to live her dream.  In 2006 I visited her.It was an amazing vacation for me. The picture below was in one of the hot tubs on the island.

Memories flash through my mind in no particular order.  Is she alive? Tears flow and I don’t know why.  Memories past, details in present time, I am confused.

She came in from Dominica to go to a continuing Education class in Raleigh.  I was living in Spartanburg, S.C  She came to Spartanburg and we drove her to Raleigh.   It was a Touch for Health seminar and they graciously allowed me to attend.

My field of memories take me to real estate. Over the years you asked my advice for investments and sale of property.  When I was sick, I called you for advice.

I cry….are you alive?  Are you hurt?  Do you have food?  Bathroom facilities?  Your precious dog…is he alive?  Do you think of me….what goes through your mind as the winds howl outside threatening to blow you  and your home away.  What is happening with your trees?  How could I have been a better friend? What does your son and daughter feel?

Did we ever have ill words?  Yes, twice and the second time I wasn’t sure our friendship would survive.  After many, many months we talked and resolved the misunderstandings, clarified our original intentions and bonded as closer friends than ever.

Now,  I give thanks that no angry feelings were fed.  Oh, I picture you with your house still standing.  You are walking outside and see the destruction.  Are the trees still there?  One of the last things you said was I will always have food.  I have avocado trees, and mango’s, bananas.  Later. I will learn the trees along with their roots blew away.

What if you are no longer alive?  We ended our conversation with I love you.

Not many people I know now knew my Mother, Dad, Aunt, Uncles. Janet does.  When I mention them she has her own memories of them to share.  When my son shared he had Parkinson’s, she cried with me.

Most of the time we shared honest feelings.  Since Vic died, until now I haven’t seriously entertained the desire for a man in my life.  Janet wanted a man in her life.  Oh, God how I wish I had prayed more for You to answer that desire.  I hate the thoughts she is in the storm alone. Those thoughts take me to a place of wondering…if I were not staying with family now, I would be alone. Is this what I want?  Forever?

Years ago I gave her a gift from Susy Ormand.  It was a notebook to put important papers in for the time of death or disaster.  She mentioned the notebook on our phone call.

Where are you Janet?  Why can’t I dream of you at night?  Dreams have been my comfort.  Now a release of tears seems to bring a calmness. After 3 days, I am conscious it isn’t just you on the island. I wonder about your friend and mine, Rosella.  Carol, your receptionist? A couple of other friends I met when I visited you….and then wham….I realize the entire island is suffering.

How many people are dead. Only 18.  That means there is a good chance you are alive. Are you okay? This post, letter note is so random.

Emotions are confusing when there isn’t any definite news.  Once we know the outcome of a situation, feelings evolve.  I feel emotional tonight not knowing. I want to cry, scream, be busy and most of all I want the phone to ring.  I want it to be Janet.

This journal entry has an acceptable ending.  Janet is alive.  The dog is alive.  They are not on the island now. I know the sentences are random.  Some seem past tense, some present.  I wrote to Janet daily in present tense.  Now, it is past.  There is a new chapter and she has started traveling another road.

Five days of wondering, hurting, not being able to do anything was heartbreaking. The impact of the storm has left an impression on my heart.

The month of October has been and is a heart wrenching one for me.  I think I feel Emotional!

This Friday. my post will extract feelings from my heart.  One page of a chapter documenting how it feels knowing my son has Parkinson’s. No newly planted trees or grass, no new construction of a home, no amount of money changes the fact.  I am learning to Love what is.  Is that true?  I will share.

go forth and prosper,

Molinda Sue

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